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Why is it so hard to give a compliment?

I hope I’m not alone here in saying that I feel weird giving compliments. Even when I feel like I want to, I hesitate. I don’t know why I have such a hard time doing this. I just do.

I love receiving compliments. Everyone does. Just one compliment is possibly enough to double my self-esteem. I love it when others make me feel accomplished and make me feel better about the person I am. So why is it so hard for me to do the same?

Possible Reasons for the Hesitation to Compliment

I’m afraid of seeming out of character

There are some people that just naturally praise and compliment. I am, unfortunately, not one of those people. If suddenly, out of nowhere, I start acting like that, it could seem strange. I’m scared that it’ll be given more attention than it should, that it’ll be made a bigger deal out of than it should and that it’ll just come off as something weird.

I’m afraid of lying

You’d think that I would know if I was lying or telling the truth, but, in situations like these, I get confused. I’ve grown to become a person who hates lying. I feel terribly guilty at the slight possibility of me lying. Before I compliment someone, I try to figure out if I’d really, sincerely mean it.

Unfortunately though, thinking about it too much makes me unsure of whether or not I really am telling the truth.

It’s like when you stare at a word for too long; it starts to look like you spelled it wrong, and you freak out, wondering if your spelling really was wrong or if it was just in your head. It’s that kind of confusion.

I’m afraid of creating an awkward atmosphere

I know a fear of awkwardness seems pretty irrational, but this paranoia towards it is almost inevitable considering how similar my relationship with awkward is to my brother’s relationship with pencils; it goes with me everywhere and is with me all the time – no matter how inconvenient it is to have around, no matter how many times it hurts and stabs me, it’s still there.

The only difference is my brother likes having his pencils around (they’re like family to him), while I absolutely hate awkward situations (which are more like family I don’t want around but am forced to put up with because, well, they’re family).

I’m afraid of doing it wrong

How, I don’t know, but this is my main reason for hesitation in general. As with any person, I like being right. Unfortunately, because of that, the idea of me making a mistake just terrifies me.

This isn’t to say that I’ve never made a mistake. I’ve made plenty. Yet, I still go through so much to avoid something that is pretty much unavoidable. I’m trying to get myself to grow out of that sort of mindset though.

It’s just fear

Fear is what is stopping me from making others happier, which is stupid, because there should be nothing wrong with giving others a little boost in their self-esteem. There should be no hesitation to make others smile. The possibility of touching someone’s heart should be worth the possibility of a temporary moment of awkward.

I really hope that, sooner or later, I’ll get the courage to take my own advice.

Am I alone here, or do you have a hard time giving compliments too? Do you have different reasons for your hesitation?

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I know what you mean, I rarely give compliments to people unless I feel they truly deserve to be complimented or if I’ve known them for a long time. I give loads of compliments over the internet because it’s easy enough to do, nobody can see your face or your body language.

I feel weird giving compliments because of how they will react, what if I say it in the wrong way, or they take it as offensive (don’t see how but you know). Or like you mentioned, creating an awkward atmosphere.

But I hate people who fish for compliments constantly, you feel you have to compliment them to make them feel good about themselves but at the same time, they’re just being conceited, if that makes sense.

I hesitate because I think they’ll think I’m being… weird. IDK.

Comment by Vicky • August 7, 2011 • 7:41 pm

The reasons I don’t like to give compliments often is generally for the same reasons as you. I’m usually just scared of everything altogether. I believe that people don’t say things if they are lying or if they aren’t true. I mean, I wouldn’t say my friend is fat when I believe she isn’t. But when I give compliments I am afraid of being shot down, I guess because it’s happened in the past, or people might use it against me. I complimented my friend on having such a good figure and said she wasn’t plump like she thought, and she just said “you’re one to talk”. ._. Just because I’m skinny doesn’t mean I don’t genuinely mean what I say… right, getting a bit off topic haha.

I never like to make things awkward. I think guys can’t take compliments really well, not even through text message or online. I can tell they just start spamming D: and ^_^;;;;; and embarrassed emoticons. I get it though, not many people find it easy to even take a compliment, so giving one is essentially just as hard. :/

But if you’re definitely not lying, I guess sometimes you have to bite the bullet and say it. ^.^ Most people will be modest, and that’s the worst you can get but at least you tried. I have a friend who says “oh, thanks”, and he’s ever so modest while he says it… but yeah. :P

Comment by Georgina • August 8, 2011 • 9:21 pm

I thought I was the only one who had this issue. Except, I don’t believe the cause for me is fear. As much as I wish I wasn’t, I’m a bit of a snob. Not outwardly, really. I would never tell anyone that I DON’T like their hair or their outfit or whatever. It just has to be really really awesome for me to have the urge to compliment it. And I have to talk to the person, too. I can’t compliment strangers. Unfortunately, I mostly find things to compliment in strangers and not my friends. >.<

As much as I love receiving compliments, I always feel awkward when I receive them. I never know what to say after "Thank you," and I always feel like the person on the other end is expecting a compliment in return or something. But that's just fake. I figure other people feel the same way, so that's also part of the reason I avoid complimenting.

I wish I had the huevos to compliment people I don't speak to. It could make someone's day. Ah, well. Maybe some day.

Comment by Gabi • August 9, 2011 • 6:52 am

I think I’m still growing out of some of my child-like boldness. So sometimes I really am creating awkward situations by complementing someone. But I’ve always been nervous at the thought of actually saying thank you to a solider except for the general applause given at church.
I can compliment my friends, it’s with strangers I have trouble. Or even my downstairs neighbor who is vet from the Iraqi war.
And usually when I complement it is in the moment of my awestruck so that makes it easier to stay truthful to if I really like it or not. :P
The way I’ve grown out of some of my childhood boldness is by accidentally doing it the wrong way and then I know how to do it right the next time. (More or less.)
And sometimes if I have an idea how much it will mean to the person I could compliment, it gives me that extra motivation I needed.

Comment by Cami • August 10, 2011 • 5:12 am

I’m the opposite. I like giving compliments to people when they deserve it. Over complimenting can be insulting. On the other hand, I don’t like receiving compliments. In all honesty, I don’t know how to take one. When someone compliments me….I thank them in an awkward/offensive way.

Comment by Kate • August 10, 2011 • 6:36 am

I know what you mean, it’s hard for me to give compliments to people unless it’s truly deserved. Sometimes i just feel like if i say something then that person would say something rude back. It’s like an inner battle in your head or something.

Comment by Isi • August 10, 2011 • 6:50 am

Yeah, I know what you mean. our definatly not alone, people think as you do. I don’t give out compliments unless I realllllllly mean it. I don’t lie and tell them randomly if you get me? hahahaha. But sometimes I do fear of the things you listed esp.creating an awkwrd atmostphere. I hate awkward moments.

Comment by Pauline • August 10, 2011 • 3:03 pm

I usually only compliment people I’m close to, but even then I hardly do. I have a hard time becoming intimate with people like that. I’m also not enthusiastic at all, even if I am really sincere or happy. Also, sometimes when I do compliment people they just look at me funny or think I’m being sarcastic. So I just don’t bother unless I really feel the need to compliment someone on something. You’re not alone, haha. I think it’s a normal thing; people are afraid of being judged.

Comment by Trisha • August 11, 2011 • 9:36 am

Oh my word. I am so glad to hear I am not the only one who stares at a word too long and wonders if it is spelled right. I do that all the time and I sometimes wonder if I am crazy or what it wrong with me.

You shouldn’t fear giving out compliments. If for some reason they take it the wrong way, then just quickly correct yourself and say what you meant. I on the other hand, constantly give out compliments. I am guess I am a compliment person.

You see, this is one of my “flaws” you see. I know how to correctly compliment people and make people feel good even when I myself may be lying. It helps cover up the real me and keeps the focus on them and not me. The last thing I want is the focus on me, so I keep it on them and compliment them whether I am lying or not.

Now don’t get me wrong, I hate lying, but it is a bad habit to keep the focus off myself. It makes me feel good to see someone else happy. I figure the lie is worth it.

I know it may be wrong for me to do that, but like I said it is a bad habit.

Comment by Ashley • August 12, 2011 • 6:57 am

I can understand where you’re coming from, and it’s too bad that people feel that way sometimes. I think that it’s because we want to appear “solid”. We’re afraid that we look like we’re sucking up to someone or that we’re actually wrong.

You’re absolutely right when you say that it’s just fear, and that we shouldn’t be afraid of it. Hopefully, with a bit of self-confidence and with a bit of self-pushing, you’ll break out of it all soon!

Comment by Stephanie • August 12, 2011 • 1:40 pm

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