Clar.me

Excuse The Language

I’ve been living in the Philippines my entire life. I am 100% Filipino, by blood, yet I almost never speak like one. I can write in Filipino, actually, though I almost always write with an English-Filipino dictionary within my reach. Even then, there would always be grammatical errors.

Filipino has always been my worst subject in school. I never recite during class since I know I’d just get nervous and mess up; I just try to get decent grades in tests and hope that it would make up for what I lack in class participation. I usually do good enough, but, last school year, I wasn’t exactly happy with my grades in the subject.

I can’t imagine myself growing up and living by myself in a country where I don’t know even how to speak the language. I’m sure that most of the Filipinos out there don’t speak English as much as I do. I won’t be stuck with the same English-speaking rich people I’m with now forever – I’m sure. I just keep hoping that my friends’, classmates’ and family’s abilities to speak well in Filipino will somehow rub-off on me and let me sound like someone who actually belongs in this country.

It makes me feel bad that I never really put any effort into being a Filipino. I never even tried speaking in Tagalog/Filipino since I didn’t see the use. I never got into (and probably never will get into) local television and music. It’s like I’m not even a Filipino; I don’t sound like one; I don’t behave like one, and I sure don’t act like I’m proud to be one. I’m trying now, but I’m just so set in my ways to suddenly.

Kahit hindi pinapakita ko ito, sa buong puso ko, mahal ko ang Pilipinas. Hindi ako makikita ng sarili kong maninirahan sa ibang lugar, kahit saan man matatagpo ito. (I’m sure that last sentence didn’t even make sense.)

I’m not Filipina, so I can’t really relate, but I hope you’ll find your way of belonging to your country and heritage even though you cannot do your best at school yet. And I say YET, because nothing’s setted forever :) You can still improve your grades, and do better. Wish you all the best, Clarisse. And by the way: you have a lovely name. :D

- Luana S.

Comment by Luana • July 9, 2010 • 12:30 am

One of my best friends mom was born and raised in the Philippines and she can hardly speak Tagalog so don’t feel too bad =] And anther one of my friends from Ethiopia can hardly speak her native language either and she can’t even read or write in it

Comment by Monnii Bee • July 9, 2010 • 2:42 am

I know what you mean. I’m Vietnamese, but I’m not that fluent in Vietnamese. I can understand most of it, but I can’t reflect and speak it properly. I can’t read or write Vietnamese, either. My parents sent me to a Vietnamese-teaching school before but I didn’t learn much. They’re kind of disappointed in me.

Comment by Nugget • July 9, 2010 • 4:45 am

Last year I wasn’t a beach person, but this year I am lol. I think maybe because it’s not soo hot… It’s in the 80′s and low 90′s– which is hot, but atleast in the shade it’s about 75 and our beaches have trees haha

Yah I have so many bus stories, I could write a book! I’ve thought about doing that too, but geez, I can never get over the 3h chapter hump when I’m writing a book

The zoo is really smelly =p but if you go with fiends, it’s good exercise and fun

Comment by Monnii Bee • July 9, 2010 • 10:38 pm

Hopefully i’ll feel that way someday lol.
Paparazzi doesn’t know the meaning of personal space or privacy at all.

I know what you mean. I am African and i don’t know my language. I can understand sometimes when someone speaks it but when it comes time for em to speak or write it. I just go blank lol. It’s like I’m not even from there anymore. I never put and effort either because before i could even grow up more and learn, i moved to the US.

Don’t feel bad. Just keep trying. Ask you mom or someone else in the family that’s really good at it. :D

Comment by Isi • July 9, 2010 • 11:09 pm

Thanks. Compliments still make me feel awkward, though.

I like hospitals better than the local clinics. Maybe because they’re bigger, I don’t know. But both are always depressing.

You should have been there. I felt so…happy as I watched Krista come out of her egg.

Comment by Nugget • July 10, 2010 • 5:41 am

I can relate to what you’re going through -_- y’see I’m Afghan but especially growing up in Canada, besides my parents, I have no real connection to my culture/country. I can understand my language but I speak it broken up. I can write the characters/combined but besides basic words, the complicated ones go over my head -_- but I just don’t see a point behind it all…. then I feel guilty that I don’t behave/act like what my nationality is :\ it’s a complex thing, really.

But don’t let it get you down. Just be good at being you :) it’s not unusual to distance yourself from your culture, intentionally or unintentionally. Keep your chin up!

Comment by Sasha • July 10, 2010 • 2:52 pm

Yup, people who gets paid for stalking others.

Yeah people do that to me too. My mom even yells at me at times because of it. Seriously its not my fault lol.
I feel weird speaking or even trying it. It doesn’t come out right to me lol.

Comment by isi • July 10, 2010 • 9:24 pm

There are times when I don’t get embarrassed though. Like that time when I decided to wear a fake mustache to school. I didn’t even blush when people started to stare at me. ;)

I do. I have the need to save lives and help people after my dad got his transplant.

I used to own a lot of fish. Most of them died. We took the remaining ones and put them in the freshwater pond. I still don’t know why they died. Maybe it’s because we didn’t clean the water enough, even though we already cleaned it so much. The filter didn’t even work that much.

Comment by Nugget • July 10, 2010 • 11:19 pm

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